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Melanie Perron is a registered Social Worker with over 20+ years of diverse clinical experience
Have you ever been driving home after a long day at work, when suddenly, another car cuts you off in traffic? You slam on the brakes. Your heart races, your muscles tense, and it’s as if your entire body is on high alert.
Maybe you start yelling, or maybe you just shut down completely, feeling numb and disconnected. Either way, you’ve been pulled out of your window of tolerance.
Your window of tolerance is the range where you feel calm, centered, and able to handle life’s challenges. But when stress, anxiety, or trauma pushes you outside this window, you may find yourself feeling either hyper-aroused – anxious, panicked, or overwhelmed – or hypo-aroused – numb, disconnected, or frozen.
These moments can leave you wondering, "What just happened?" “What’s wrong with me?” and "Why do I feel this way?"
Most of us have been there, but how often do you recognize what’s happening to your mind and body in these moments? How often do you know how to bring yourself back toa place of balance?
Your window of tolerance (WoT), a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, is the zone where you’re able to cope with whatever comes your way. It's the range in which your nervous system operates smoothly, and you feel balanced between being alert and relaxed.
The reality is that life doesn’t always keep us in that optimal zone. Stress, trauma, or even the pressures of daily life can push us outside of this window, making it difficult to stay calm or grounded.
When you are outside your WoT, your body and mind react in one of two ways.
1. Hyper-arousal: You might become hyper-aroused—feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or panicked. This is your body’s fight-or-flight mode.
2. Hypo-arousal: You might become hypo-aroused, which makes you feel disconnected, emotionally numb, or unable to take action. This response is connected to your body’s freeze and collapse response which acts as a way of conserving energy when the body is experiencing overwhelming stress and fear. .
Neither state is “bad.” In fact, these responses are normal and designed to protectyou. But if you find yourself stuck in either state for too long or constantly bouncing between them, life can feel exhausting and unmanageable.
Understanding when you're outside your window of tolerance is the first step in taking control.
Signs of hyper-arousal include:
· Racing thoughts
· Restlessness
· Feeling on edge
· Racing/pounding heart
· Overly alert
· Scanning for threats
Hypo-arousal might show up as:
· Feeling spaced out
· Brain fog
· Lethargic
· Emotionally shut down
· Excessive tiredness
· Dissociation
· Numbness
Think about the last time you felt one of these ways.
What was happening in your environment? How did your body respond? Were you aware of how your mind and body were reacting, or did it catch you by surprise?
Recognizing these states is important because it gives you information about how your nervous system is handling the stresses around you.
An important thing to understand is that if you’re constantly feeling stressed, hyper-aroused, or hypo-aroused, your window of tolerance may have become smaller due to past trauma or ongoing stress.
When you’ve been stuck in a chronic state of hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal, moving into your optimal zone might feel strange—or even scary. It’s not what you’d expect, right? After all, on a logical level, you want to feel good. But your nervous system and brain don’t always work in logical ways. Sometimes, staying in those heightened or numbed-out states feels safer because it’s how your body haslearned to survive.
So why would you let your guard down? Why step out of survival mode? Because living in a constant state of hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal takes a toll. It can strain your health, damage your relationships, and ultimately keep you stuck in patterns of suffering. By allowing yourself to move toward balance, you’re giving your body and mind the chance to truly heal.
When you are in the optimal zone (WoT) you feel connected, safe, calm, curious, open, and non-judgemental. You have the right amount of alertness – but not so much that you are
overwhelmed. In the optimal state, your mind, and body are able to move at a smoother, more comfortable pace which helps you navigate life with more ease.
Our modern day world doesn’t make it easy to stay within our window of tolerance.
The constant demands of work, family, social obligations, and even technology can push you into states of overwhelm or burnout. Maybe you find yourself working long hours, only to collapse in exhaustion at the end of the day. Or perhaps you’re always on edge, waiting for the next crisis to hit.
This pattern of overworking and burning out is common. Society today often rewards those who push themselves beyond their limits. But when you spend too much time outside your window of tolerance, it can take a toll on your body and mind. You might feel anxious, irritable, or unable to relax. Over time, it becomes harder tore turn to that calm, centered state.
Being outside your window of tolerance isn’t something you need to feel ashamed of. It is entirely human to shift between states or get stuck in one based upon our experiences, triggers and environment, and so forth. As humans we are hardwired to recognize potential threats and to take various courses of action whether it be fight, flight or freeze. The more you understand these signals, the more you can have control managing your response.
Pay attention to your body’s cues.
Are you feeling anxious, scattered, or unable to focus?
Or are you checked out, disconnected, and finding it hard to feel anything at all?
These are clues that you may need to bring yourself back into balance.
Grounding techniques can help bring you back into your WoT. These might be things like mindfulness exercises, breathing techniques, or visual imagery. These types of practices can help re-establish balance (homeostasis) in your nervous system letting your body know it is no longer stressed or in danger.
For example, let’s say you’re feeling anxious and hyper-aroused, a grounding exercise like deep breathing engages your parasympathetic nervous system (also known as your“brake-system” or “rest and digest system”) which helps you move closer into your window of tolerance. Additionally, deep breathing brings oxygen to your brain and lowers stress hormones in the blood which improves overall health.
Or if you’refeeling numb or detached, doing something energizing, like going for a walk, being in nature, singing or listening to upbeat music, can help bring you out of that hypo-aroused state.
Although it is impossible to avoid stress altogether in today’s world, you CAN learn ways to regulate your nervous system without falling into extremes. With self awareness and practice, you can expand your window of tolerance and capacity to handle stress without getting overwhelmed or shutting down.
Interested in learning more tips and strategies, check out my IG account https://www.instagram.com/melanieperroncounselling/
